Love seems to be and to most people, evidently is, the reason the world goes round. The cycle continuously repeats itself: find a partner, be with a partner, lose a partner, find a partner, be with the partner, etc and even if we aren’t personally involved in the cycle, all aspects of relationships are discussed daily among us. Beside the population of bitter folks who have been devastated by relationships and those who are simply seeking non-committal relationships, such as sexual relationships (one night stands) and so forth, everyone wants the find the perfect mate, the perfect relationship and a great marriage. However, most don’t know how to go about it and often end up in bad relationships, relationships with no purpose. Nowadays many are recovering from the wrong relationships, so many heartbroken, abused and used. Why are we mainly seeing the negative outcomes of relationships? Why do we fall into bad relationships?
Impatience…
Impatience is the main reason behind this question. We are very impatient when it comes to finding the right companion. We would rather date around to see if we could land on the right one instead of waiting on the perfect timing GOD has planned for all of us to bump into our future spouse. Society has made many believe that love is self-seeking when in reality it’s far from the truth. With the idea that it’s self-seeking, many rush into relationships for various reasons: looks, similarities, or because they see character traits that are different from the previous partner. People rush into relationships for any reason beside the fact that they know it’s right and that it will work out until death separates them. Most decide to enter relationships without thinking long term and without considering the destruction it might bring to them or their partner emotionally if it doesn’t work out. They just want to be with someone and hope that someone is right.
Everyone wants to be loved right but not everyone willing to wait for the right love. -Pierre Alex Jeanty
Emotions play a very important role when it comes to bad relationships. Many are uninformed about the bad decisions emotions can fuel, especially when it comes to relationships. Loneliness, lust, jealousy, hurt, insecurity and many more can force you to rush into the wrong relationships. If you let your emotions govern you then they will take you down the wrong path. Everyone who is single feels lonely at times and lust after someone from time to time. However, not everyone respond to those emotions in a proper manner. Instead of practicing self-control and training themselves to operate outside emotions and feelings when it comes to important decisions, they choose to let their emotions lead them, and consequently live in regret later. Emotions often camouflage themselves as wisdom, and instead of doing what’s right, we listen to our emotions and do what we hope is right. Insecurity can make you feel that every relationship you get into was the perfect choice. It is very essential to know yourself, your weaknesses and figure out exactly why you’re entering a relationship.
Being eager to move on, which also can fall under both impatience and emotions, is very important as well when it comes to this topic. Once a relationship ends many are often anxious to move on and move to something better or “ON TO THE NEXT” as most will say it. Rushing to move on often causes many to fall into the wrong relationships. Some who move on are running away from the hurt and pain they downloaded from their previous relationship, some move on as a prideful act. They move on to compete with their ex, to prove that they can do better, and to show they are better without them. Rarely does quickly moving on result to a great result. Moving on because the right one came into your life is great but most move on for the wrong purpose. It is very essential to know why you’re moving on and take time knowing who you’re moving on to.
Relationships are taken lightly nowadays. We date for any reasons, relationships have become a hobby; that is one of the reasons why so many are hurt and torn in the name of love. Love gets accused for so many bad relationship decisions. It is wise to focus on GOD and let him lead you to the right one. Through focusing on your relationship with Him you will become patient, which in the process develops self-control, preventing you from walking into the wrong relationships.
Often times, we do run into relationships hoping that new person will save them from pain they recently or currently experiencing. Waiting is hard, but It is the wisest thing to do. Allowing God to mend the hurt and then eventually He leads you to the one who you’ve praying and hoping for. The bible says, in the book of Matthew 6:33 KJV
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Every relationship leaves a mark on your life… soul ties, hurt, pain, etc., things God NEVER intended for us to deal with. If God gave us only 1 full tank of love we would more reluctant to let anyone that crosses our path deplete it. Its very hard to be single especially for us young folk but we gotta trust God for everything, including our marriages.
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
AMEN.com lol
This is so true, you gotta monitor what you let pour into yourself too. For example I used to love R&B/ Soul music but I can’t listen to it anymore because it takes me there, if I’m trying hard to be single and stay focused on God its hard if I’m fantasizing about my future partner or indulging in my emotions from past relationships.
I truly agree…sometimes we fail to realize just how powerful music can be. I understand it can definitely be a struggle at times, but the devil is crafty and cunning and will use anything, even music to get our thoughts off track…we have to guard our spiritual gateways (what we let into our ears, heart, the company we keep, etc.).
But how do you know when the right person comes along? How do you know whether he/she is the one?
I can identify with this article because before I found God I lived my life in a state of confusion. I had to be in a relationship regardless of the cost emotionally and physically. I couldn’t stand to be alone or be lonely. So I chose the wrong partners for the wrong reasons and paid a high price for my mistakes.
I became a Christian 11 years ago and have been single for the past 6 years. I’m waiting on God for my life partner. God is in control of my life. I wrote an article on my blog http://www.miraculousladies.com titled: ‘Waiting on God’ in which I talk about my single life and how God fits into it.
Thanks for this article. God bless.
good stuff… more people should read this.
Thx… i feel so refresh after read this blog… this is actually what i’m facing about.. thx
This msg should be spread to all youngsters out there.
You now your right man, And we get so blind sided by the truth hoping that the relationship would work man but in axouilallity were lost instead we should seek JESUS. Luke 19:10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.
Keep it coming, writres, this is good stuff.
I needed to read this. I’ve been in a really bad space in my life because of a bad relationship I was in. Thank you.
So true lets pray 4one another&accept nothing less than what HE has 4 us.God bless u.
Wel am 16.i thought my room is geting a makeover yt my life dd.I LET GOD LEAD ND LET GO.yes dr where tyms i faild yt he made thngs work out 4 da good.i cnt imgne my lyf witout me 4 wit every trail he builds me.jst lyk in tis relationshp section.today am happy begn jst me nd expolring wt my identity is in Christ.am greatful.so days touch.yt ty shed my old skn.i love God.GOD LOVES US TRULY.tnx.
Thank you for posting this
But how do we differentiate between true love and strong lust?
And how do we know if this person is the one that God has for us?
I will answer with what I believe in my heart and what I have experienced. I think that the one that comes along, least expected, not the person you would normally be attracted to, total opposite or your list of “must have or be” and then eventually you find yourself hopelessly in love , not settling, but actually in love with this person. It is almost to the point of disbelief, even boldly questioning GOd, r u sure (like I did!) him, he’s short, he’s chubby, he does not look the part, etc, usually he drops them into our lives at the most inconvenient time. Unfortunately some will unfairly be taken for granted at first (without knowledge) Meanwhile we selfishly are making sure, but they get tossed into our “making sure plan” and it only causes disruption. Actually you want to make sure you are not “settling with someone you know you don’t want or could see yourself making it with in a real relationship. It’s the time when you are dealing with who YOU chose to be with or believe you should be with and that person is so obviously wrong for you until you almost rebel and insist on being with that person. All of that for nothing, because deep in side you want who YOU want and usually it is for the wrong reason. <–at least in my case.
This is a good topic. I also used to think that my past relationships were all failures. THere were the good and one that turned bad. I recently realized that I really didn’t love those people like they loved me, I loved the things they did for me. I also will always question what kind of love was it that they had for me? I liked what they could do didn’t care about who they were or what they wanted, didn’t know I had caused any hurt. I look at it as grace & mercy. As I get older and look back, I don’t have a lot of regrets, I just think of God protecting me from that person, his family or danger of physical and verbal abuse, who know, he may have protected them from me. I always say if God is not in it, it cannot work it is that simple. The hard part is getting your mate to embrace this and try believing , faith and prayer together. This next go round, it is a must. I am going to strive for those things I mentioned & I don’t mean just going to church, it’s more than attending. I can’t get with people who go just to get past man’s attendance test, I mean truly incorporating God in my relationships.
I thought I was the only one dealing with loneliness and heart breaks till I opened this link………Now I am sure that patience and faith is all God requires from us
We all deal with it….
Isn’t being in relationships with people and working out how to love and be loved how we also become closer to our gods and godesses? It is for me personally. Learning from people and teaching them in return. I am not sure I believe in not having any relationships until you find ‘the one’. Many people have found many ‘the one’ s in their life time and probably learnt valuable lessons from each of their marriages/relationships.
Relationships of all sorts, family, friends and lovers, husbands and wives take a lot of effort, understanding and compassion and to just cut oneself off from them is to deny love is it not?
Why would we cut ourselves off from healthy, natural, beautiful experiences…all for holding out for some holy grail relationship? Nobody is perfect, if you wait there is no guarantee that there will be the perfect partner for you ever.
So you get to the end of your life and you did not meet your soul mate, but you missed out on lots of oppertunities with people that were great in so many ways, but not ‘the one’.
Any oppertunity to love should not be missed in my opinion. I am not advocating promiscuity. Far from it. Have sex with people you feel close to, comfortable with, can trust and love in a mutually respectful and tender way. But to deny yourself love and sex will only lead to misery and supressed urges which will pop out in other, sometimes less wholesome ways.
I’m not sure exactly what you’re saying in the first part but i do see part of your belief. We have opportunities to meet and date people all the time. We force people to be the one all the time. Thats why the divorce rate is outrageously high. No you will not find a perfect partner but there is one perfect for you.. a perfect match for you. Waiting on GOD is the best decision. Our lack of patience is why our society boost us to date, capitalize off dating opportunities, practice pre-marital sex and so forth…to fulfill our desire simply because we cannot wait. I do not condemn anyone who take that route but i will say its not healthy. The right way is always the toughest way and the way your flesh will convince you isn’t good enough
This is the best site ever, People are struggling looking for what they cant have, with the disappointments they get, they ended up blaming God of why its happening in that way, and most of all people also turn away from God when they think they are fine and when things go wrong the realize again….which is good to realize that to get lost completely!